I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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