no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
