Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
