I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize