I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
