My room smells like vodka and shame
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
how drunk are you?
Several
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