I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ass is underappreciated
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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