i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
