clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
