Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
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We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
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You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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