You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
