I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
