she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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