Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
