I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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