i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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