The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
how drunk are you?
Several
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
