Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
