Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Randomize
