we have pet lesbian snakes
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
