I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
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Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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