so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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