meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
