he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
