i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
