I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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