you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
