1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So squirting runs in the family.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
