Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
