watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
