Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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