I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
