That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
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I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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