And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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