I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
