its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
