my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
