I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
How drunk are you?
Completed.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
