There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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