I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
