I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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