True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Someone came in the potted fern
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
