Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
