I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
