Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
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Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
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The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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