Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
