That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i drank out of a bidet.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
