Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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