If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm too high and old for this...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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