And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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