Please, let me fuck your mom
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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