Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
