she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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