My cat gives me a boner
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
