you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
