I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
