I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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