Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
