its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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