I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
