I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
