So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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