I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
