he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
