boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
