I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
