It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
