I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
