grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Betty ford says i'm here all night
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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