I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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