Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
