Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
