I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
FUCK WHALES
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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