Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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