Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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