I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
