plz talk dirty to me
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
