you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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