Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
