I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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